4.30. Felix went to sleep at four after a lovely couple of hours feeding and playing with his parents. I quickly snuck upstairs with a cup of tea and a snack-bowl filled with grapes, popcorn, almonds, dried apricots and two oat cookies. I ate them all. I left Michael chatting to his Mum and adoring the sleeping baby. Soon I need a nap. I went without one yesterday and was a terrible wreck by the evening. It is hard to surrender to sleep in the few moments I have to think and write and contemplate things. Hard but essential. Soon. But right now I sit in my bed and look out all three windows to the soft grey light and the tops of the trees and the wood-smoke and the snowflakes falling and falling.